Today is the day — I am the driver of this bus now!

Selena Gomez, your song Lose You to Love Me has inspired me.  

Today is the day that I give up resistance.  Anxiety, I no longer resist you.  I surrender the fight to keep you quiet.  Fighting you has only proven to increase your strength and keep me stuck in a recurring, non-progressive pattern.  You no longer have a front-row seat on this bus.  I accept you.  I see you.  Yet, you no longer have the power to stop me in my tracks.  Anxiety, you are welcome to come along with me, but today is the day you cease and desist your debilitating presence in my life.  My life is mine.  From now on, you must sit in the back of the bus.  I have given your front-row seat to faith.  I have faith that I can achieve my dreams.

Recurring, negative memories of the past which have haunted me for decades, kept me awake at night, and have been a roadblock to living my life fully, I surrender. I will no longer fight to quiet you.  I accept you, all my negative memories.  I see you and acknowledge your presence, observe you and let you pass on through me.  You no longer have the ability to send me through a downward spiral of regret, shame, self-condemnation, sadness, heartbreak, and dread.  My past will always be a part of me, of course.  However, today is the day that my past relinquishes its ability to affect my day, my life, my future.  Yesterday is gone.  Reliving the same memories day after day only keeps me stuck in the past — a past that cannot be changed — no matter how many times it is relived in my mind.  You, too, have lost your front-row seat and must sit in the back of the bus.  I have given your seat to acceptance.  I accept myself for who I am, flaws and all.  I accept that I am worthy and I am enough.  

Today is the day that I let go of guilt and resentment, and practice forgiveness.  Guilt has plagued my conscience throughout my life.  I now see all events as opportunities and/or necessary building blocks for my personal growth.  I forgive those who have treated me poorly and have left scars within me.  The scars of the past are now my badges of survival, proof of my inner strength, and I am thankful for them all.  Guilt and resentment, you must sit in the back of the bus now.  I have given your seat to forgiveness.  I forgive myself for my mistakes, my wrongdoings, and the pain I have caused others due to my past choices.  Today is the day that I forgive those who have hurt me, abused me, or otherwise damaged me.  All is forgiven. 

Today is the day that I acknowledge my fear and give up the lifelong fight to silence it.  Fear will remain a passenger in my life’s journey; however, it is no longer fighting for the driver’s seat, shouting directions, demands, and “You can’t” or “You’re not worthy” into my ears. Fear, you are welcome to come along with me on my journey.  However, today is the day you cease being the squeaky wheel that gets the grease, stopping my progress. You, too, must sit in the back of the bus.  I have given your front-row seat to courage.  I have the courage to acknowledge my fear and continue to forge ahead anyway.

To my anxiety, memories of the past, guilt, resentment, and fear:  You must know this.  You are no longer in control of my life’s journey, impeding the progress towards my dreams.  You can scream, shout, stomp, and throw an absolute fit, but I am progressing anyway.  If you insist on being present, you’re going to have to hold on and prepare yourself for a ride.  I am realizing my dreams, with or without you.  Oh, I fully expect you to come at me with your hurricane force, fighting to stay alive and in control of me.  No CEO or president wants to lose their ranking as head honcho, after all.  I will hear you, but your message will flow right through me like a summer breeze through a screen door.  No remnants of your messages will remain.   

And, all those empty seats between the front rows and the back seats?  Well, they will be filled with my realized dreams, my adventures experienced, and all the wonderful memories throughout the rest of my life.  Faith, acceptance, forgiveness, and courage are my A-team and we’ve got a lot to accomplish.  

I am the driver of this bus now!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s