When you gotta go, well…

I had an eventful commute home the morning after working a 12-hour night shift. It was a wintery, extremely cold January morning.  There was snow on the ground and fresh snow was steadily falling with the wind blowing it fiercely.  I was almost home when I noticed my car was nearly out of gas.  The trip indicator showed less than ten miles were left on my tank.  Even though the roads were becoming quite treacherous, I decided it would be a good idea to get some gas before I went home.  To save what fuel I did have, I took a road that I would not normally take since it was the shortest route to the nearest gas station.  The snow seemed to be falling more quickly as I moved along.   Even though I had been driving slower and slower, when I came to a sharp curve and gently turned the steering wheel, my car insisted on going straight. I went right off that road, through a fence, bounced through a ditch and finally stopped in a field.  There I sat, alone, no houses in sight.  I watched the snow falling and listened to the howling wind for a moment, contemplating my current predicament.   

First thing I did was call my hubby and he arranged for a tow truck.  A nice man pulled off the road and came to check on me.  Apparently, he had been driving not far behind me and said that he nearly followed me into the same field.  After I assured him I was okay and that help was on the way, he advised me to sit in the passenger seat of my car so I wouldn’t be hurt should another driver run off the road in the same curve.  There I was, sitting alone in the middle of the country in my booboo-covered car.  Then, it hit me.  I have to pee!  What am I gonna do?!!  There are no houses close enough for me to walk to and with my menopausal bladder, I wouldn’t even make it 10 feet in that cold wind.   There was nothing but snow and mud all around the car.  Oh, that would be a sight — me squatting down beside my car and the wind blowing my stream sideways, likely all over my scrub pants and my shoes!  I knew there was no way I’d make it until the tow truck arrived because it had another run scheduled before coming to rescue me.

So, desperate times, right?  I look around inside my car.  I guess I could pee in my travel coffee mug.  No, that’s gross. But, I realllly gotta go!  There’s got to be something that I can use!  Aha!  I spot empty McD’s and Starbucks cups in the backseat.  I double the two up (you know, just in case one is leaky), climb over onto the passenger seat, get up on my knees, manage to get my scrub pants down just enough to accommodate my makeshift female urinal and, yes, I peed in my cups!!  Thankfully, I had some McD’s napkins in the glove box, and I only dribbled a tiny bit on my car seat.  Not long after that, the property owner came with a chainsaw to cut down fence posts and pull away the barbed wire fencing so the tow truck could pull me out without too much further damage.  When the tow truck dropped me and the wreckage off at home, I was sore, but not severely hurt, and I was very thankful that my front seat adventure transpired without any witnesses. 

Later that week, the insurance company declared that my car was completely totaled.  The bright side?  Well, when they towed that car away, it only had one mile left on the tank.  At least we weren’t out the money for filling it up, right?!


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